Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Not Guilty!

I feel guilt almost constantly.  So, I have to continually work to let go of that guilt.  I hope that using this blog as my writing outlet can help me work through some.  And maybe I will find some support through others out there experiencing the same thing.  More importantly, I hope to be a source of support and encouragement.

What is it I feel so terrible about?  Number one is that I lack the energy to do things with my daughter.  I miss a lot of family fun and outings.  That sounds so sad...but in reality, we make fun times at home and do things that don't require more than I can give.  What I do is make sure to spend time reading and learning with her.  We spend time focusing on our relationship with God, too.  We make it work, but I still feel guilty that it isn't as active as other mother/daughter relationships.  Silly, but the feeling is real.  The next thing on my guilt list is the ever growing responsibilities of my husband.  He has to jump in and handle things when I can't, like additional house work or running errands.  Next, I hate that I can't keep my house as neat and clean as I like it to be.  I miss being able to make plans and keep them.  I cancel more times than I get to participate.  I miss working!!  (Now, you all are thinking I'm crazy, right?)  But, really I miss working.  My job was my passion.  I am one of the few blessed people who get to do what they love for a living...except my body doesn't allow me to do it anymore.  I feel guilt for not contributing financially to our family.

I just can't keep up.  I feel the pangs of guilt as I watch from my bed, or my couch, or my recliner while life passes me by.  Anyone feeling this guilt with me?  Well, I didn't cause my FMS/CFS, so I am going to stop taking the blame for it!!!  Anyone feeling that freedom with me now?

I know I am not the only person with FMS/CFS who feels the weight of guilt piled on top of our numerous health struggles.  The battle is real.  So, how can we uplift and encourage ourselves and each other?

Let's start by showing ourselves some kindness.  Then, let's truly forgive ourselves!  This was not a lifestyle choice, but let's not be victims.  It is time to slowly work towards acceptance.  I don't have all the answers (obviously!), but I plan to start accepting my "new normal" and working with what I CAN do each day.  Maybe all I can do is show kindness and encouragement to someone else facing their own struggles.  Well, I would say that makes a pretty productive day.

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice!  Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace.  And the God of love and peace be with you.     - 2 Corinthians 13:11


6 comments:

  1. Guilt can be such a weapon we use against ourselves. I'm glad that you're letting go! Practicing loving kindness, especially towards ourselves, is perhaps the greatest gift we can give.

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  2. You have inspired me. I need to let go of my guilt towards what I am not able to do with my girls. I love them and support them in all that they do and I need to find new ways to show my support. Fibro is new to me and I have been having a rough time finding balance. So, thank you for the support from afar.

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  3. No you are not crazy. As I said in my previous comment in welcome note, I know it first hand. What you feel is a reality and I must say you are doing your best to keep yourself up even when you are struggling. I have been feeling guilty too, and I think why this happens is because God has made us to be productive, but God also knows our condition and that we are not to be blamed for this sickness.

    I believe God is teaching us to be productive in a different way, unlike how productivity is measured in the world. Kindness and having an encouraging heart for hurting people is what God is shaping us into, and that sure is being productive.

    I know it is easier said than done, but as we will continue in this manner guilt will have no room and life will still be productive. Much Love :)

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  4. Thank you all for your comments! I hope we can support each other through this crazy journey.

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